Hello I'm a little Gatal tonight .

Tonight I shall unfold some secret of my own . I am almost 19 years old . I am a girl with lust for things . I have a dream , big one .

One ; To be successful in everything I do .

Two ; To make my family proud . 

Third ; To be merry and happy all the time . 

Fourth ; To have a a wonderful job . 

Fifth ; To be well-known ( in a good way ) .

Sixth ;  To serve my country in my own way .

Seventh ; To have a stable financial .

Eigth ; To take care of my parents .

Nineth ; To settle down with a man who deserve me .

Tenth ; To be a proud parents . 

I was born and born in a complete family . I still have both of my parents . I am always at the center . I was not rich , but I was not poor too . I did not get what I want all the time , but I sometimes get them when I behave . I was not spoilt much , I was taught to looked around from various angle . 


I must say that Im pretty much fussy , in almost everything . You know , sometimes I really want to see how my life would be in 8 years time . I'm afraid of getting married to a wrong man , and screw up my life . I dont want to make a huge mistake like that . I dont want to fall for a wrong person . I dont want to get married or date someone now , I just want to know . I need to know . 


I dont know what I'm thinking now . 8 years isn't that far from now . Hurm :( 

Geli(GLEE) Baby

Teenage Dream by GLEE .

Im actually wasnt a big FAN of GLEE . But I am now a big fan of GLEE ! Never thought it is THAT interesting.
Well , the story are a little too common if youre going to compare it to 90210, blah blaa .
What I personally like about GLEE , is the song that they covered . I think they sang it better than the original singer did :) Don't you think so ?
But anyway , every singer have their own style , so Im not gonna complain more :D

One of my favourite part of the show is when everybody had this vission of Britney . And they go wild and freely , I certainly dont like the wild part , but being free is what matters the most when youre too uptight.



This is a little gay isn't it  ?

Okayy this one is my FAV !



At first I thought Kurt was doing duet with the most handsome guy on earth ,
Michael Buble . But it wasnt him.
A little gay as well , but very cute !



Never thought Gwenth can sing :) Impressive .

And you know what , my visual communication assignment on drawing things according
to how you visualize verbal thing , was drawing what I can visualize from a song called
Singing In The Rain by Gene Kelly . And it has been covered by the GLEES .



I am now wondering if my lecturer is picking that song because of the Glee . Hurmm ,
I shall pop this question to her :) A nice song indeed .

Here is the original piece of Gene Kelly .




Anyway , thats all for tonight , Im trying to work on designing few Spring pieces for Reebonz contest . Who knew my last minute piece would rock the judges and I could win myself 500 SGD and 500 Reebonz Credit :)

Goodnight , sweetdream bloggers :) 

I am not a racist .

I am not a racist , I am not a good muslim . But I believe that everything happens for a reason . And the reason is all because of Allah . Allah sayangkan semua umatnya . Maka dengan itu pelbagai undang undang serta tatacara kehidupan diberi . Actually we Muslims should be grateful that we have Al-Quran to guide us to better life . I'm not good at this , I certainly don't have much knowledge on this . But I really believed that whatever that have been stated in the Al-Quran is good for us . And it is to protect us , to make us a better person .


For instance , the worshipping and celebrating and woo-hoo-ing over Valentine's Day . When I was younger , I was one of the people who are obsessed with Valentine's Day . I find it exciting to celebrate it . I really thought it was cool . But as I grow up , I learn that it is a wrong thing to do . And as Muslim I shouldn't be celebrating it , or be over-joy . And I should be thankful that I have so many great teachers and awesome mom to guide me . I've been in a relationship before , and always look forward to celebrate Valentine's Day . Then I start to seek info on whats so cool about VD actually ? And why do everybody go crazy just because of it . The sales of red roses starts to boom , as well as the price . Necklaces are all sold out , and on the day itself , two peoples are holding hands , lovebirds everywhere .


Sometimes I just dont get it , kenapa orang yang don't have the knowledge about who is Valentine and whats Valentine's Day ? Do they celebrate it just to fit in and to be COOL ? That is so wrong , so kindergarten I tell you . And and , like I said , Im not a racist . But I really don't like it when other races makes a bias statement when the Muslims banned VD . This does not apply to them , so why do they want to comment on it . I am really sorry for writing such a sensitive issue . Incase my chinese and indian friends are reading this , I am truly sorry . Please accept my sincere apology . I am not pointing my finger to the races but to certain people . Please do not misunderstand or misinterpret . But I believe that other races should respect the Muslims . We dont celebrate VD because there's no such thing in Islam . And Malaysians , celebrating VD is not our norms okayy .


There are good and logic explanation to why we shouldnt be celebrating VD . Try to think wisely and deeply , push the "it's fun. it's so cool , dont y'know? it's trend" away . Try to put yourself in your parent's shoe .

1. As a parents to a girl, do you like it when you girl loses her virginity ? *teens , i know you would deny this* You sendiri imagine how would you parents react when few months after VD , they discover you big tummy ? You may not have the intention of having sex , but  VD will lead you to it .
2. It is against our religion's practice . Again , I dont have much knowledge about religions , but I strongly believe that every religions taught us to be a good person . Well that doesnt mean people who dont have pre-marital sex is a good person , perfect from head to toe . But I think , the other religions doesnt approve pre-marital sex as well .
3. Hello , VD is sooo not MALAYSIAN . we are not used to this kind of celebration , it is not in our culture and norms . So why are following the "mat salleh" . One thing I noticed about M'sians , we tend to forget our roots and we REALLY LIKE "THUMBS UP" outsiders norms , culture and behaviour and way of living . M'SIANS , please be ourself. 
4. Lots of problem will arise . Boys will run out of money , end up stealing money . Girls would fight over boys . Girls will fight among themselves about the present they get , how romantice their boyfriend are , and so . 

Lots of people out there will say that VD is an important day , everybody finally shows their love and affection to others on that day . LOL ! This is funny ? There's no specific day to show somebody how much you love or appreciate them . There's no specific day where red roses , Godiva chocolates , Thomas Sabo charm bracelet and Harry Winston necklaces are up for grab , are only available on that particular day , a total must have on that day . Nahh , no such thing . They open and are available for 365 days *unless that item are sold out* . 

I really need not to explain longer , everybody knows , wise people could think , unwise people couldn't do the thinking . It's okayy , everybody have their own perception . I dont blame you if you don't want to think the way I do , I'm saying this to give others the consequences and probability of the celebration . And I am against the celebration 100% , not because I don't have any boyfriend that could buy me jewellery , buy me expensive exclusive dinner , but it is against my religion, I want to protect my virginity , protect my family's pride , and it is not part of my culture . 

2010 , bad or good .

What had happened around 2010 ? Nothing big so far . HEKHEK pah kau lah tak banyak .

Lets start with January , have January been good to me ? We'll see.

January , I stopped schooling :D 

January , spent a super quality money can't buy time with Johann , Moon , Chris , Amelia , Joey the all celebrating Bui's birthday . 

January , Johann flew to US .

January , I "planned" to work .

January , I started my driving lesson . 

January , I lose half of my heart . 

January , I had trouble trying to stabilise my mind .

January , reminiscin . 

January , watched my first canto movie at the cinema . 

January , suffered from terrible miss-ing disorder .

Oh February .

February , laptop disorder .

February , my cousin's wedding . 

February , still down and couldnt get up .

February , being poetic over my endless sadness .

February , had trouble with driving -.-' .

February , celebrated my ex-boyfriend's birthday for the first time . 

February , first valentine . 

March , nothing big . 

March , my first trip to Singapore , and Johore Bahru after so long . 

March , I got my license .

March , learnt up about my root .

March , Ate " Kijang" for the first time 

March , I got my damn SPM result . 

March , still longing for him .

March , trouble in choosing the right path , based on my result . 

March , had a terrible ex boyfriend .

March , am now one of the admin for ILYBDYFTS ? Thanks to Leroy .

April oh April .

April , started driving slowly . 

April , me cheating and flirting behind my ex's back :D

April , Din Beramboi passed away . Al-fatihah . 

April , the Travie madness . 

April , had a prefect weekend getaway . 

April , fashion week in Midvalley <3

April , helping mom with grandma . 

April , the I wanna cut my hair syndrome . 

April , my webcam madness starts to rise up . 

April , I finally realised that HE looked like Taylor Lautner , damn . 

April , I "wanted" to sew . 

April , Celebrated baby D's bday . 

April , Apology bear .
April , my mom's birthday .

April , Starry starry night , sang it each time I miss him . 

How have you been May ? 

May , hurm bad facebook month . 

May , Unisel with its website problem . 

May , still could not overcome my sadness . 

May , Capital Scandal is on my mind all day . 

May , the awesome-st movie ever , Nightmare on Elm Street .

May , I discovered Greyson Chance talent . 

May , takin one step back , and take a look at what I had left . 

May , the wish list . 

May , second best movie of the month , Prince of Persia . 

May , Adios Ipoh , Hola Shah Alam . 

May , sister's convo .
May , started to apply Unisel :D 

May , my brother's birthday .

June , still thinking about me not getting into local university .
June , the braces guy <3
June , home sick kejap .
June , HELLo UNISEL .
June , starts to learn about livin in some stranger's town .
June , my favourite korean drama on KBS .
June , discovered Taecyeon .
June , Im a loner .
June , made a lot of new friends :)
June , his birthday .

July , what happened in July ? 

July , the month I got close to Mira , Megat , Amie . 

July , got my very first assignment . 

July , I became my sister's Garmin . 

July , crush is all it it . 

July , I miss my Ipoh peeps alot . 

July , he got back to Ipoh . 

July , Missing the MOHAWK GUY .

August , Happy birthday MALAYSIA , tanah tumpahnya darahku !
August , the bitch phobia .
August , first fast breaking with uni friends .
August , fasting months .

September , MY BIRTHDAY :)
September , first time celebrating my birthday with my boyfriends .
September , my birthday was bad at first .
September , my girlfriends just dont care about my birthday .
September , first time driving HILUX :)
September , first time driving to Sunway area .
September , RAYA :B


lupa nak post -.-'

why is this happening to me ?

It's nothing actually , I really dont have to run around and scream like mad woman . I could just chill . lay down  and cry , blaming myself for my stupid mistake . I was a kid . How was I supposed to know that everything would turn bad and haunt me for years . I never expect this . I wish I can see the future at that time . If I do have that ability , I dont wish to know you . Youre an incurable disease . I feel sorry for myself . 

Your family hates me . And I hate you . For taking my heart away and you dont even bother to return it back to me ! Thats a mean thing to do . 

People kept asking me whether I still love you or maybe have feelings for you . My answer is I dont know because Ive been busy trying as hard as I could to avoid you . My fault I know . I started it first . Mengaku *nodding* .  I plea GUILTY your honour . But I dont want to fight with some girl over you . Not my thang baby . 

But I miss you , damnit . takyah cakap banyak about it , because I know you know . WE know . No matter how far I try to run with all the " memories " . I cant erase it . And I didnt leave you alone with all the "memories" we shared . 

hurm tah lah taktaw . nak kena berlari ke mana pulak lepas ni ? 

GOODNIGHT baby 

Macam tett sahaja . Apa yang tett ?

Aku memang pantang kalau orang amik hak aku , aku memang tak suka kalau orang amek barang aku . Barang ke makanan ke apa ke , apa apa sahaja yang aku punya aku tak suka . Rasa irritated sangat kalau orang sentuh or take or eat without asking me first or should i say , without my permission . Seriously tak suka . 

Even if it's my air barley . I still don't like it . Mom made it for me , only me . 

So takpayah kalut minum my barley . Or you'll suffer for your whole life . 

Whats mine is mine . 

I think I know now

Being with somebody for so many years , without any relation doesn't guarantee you that he/she is going to be yours . You may think that he/she will , only time decide , but actually you're pretty sure that you're saying that just because you want to feel good . And that's good , for a short period , bad for a long term . When things between the both of you didnt work well because of that person , you'll feel crush . And hard for you to get up , because your hope is crushed . 

Im feeling that crushed feeling now . But we were once closed, we were once together, we were once separated by miles, we were once separated by your desire, we were once separated by fate, we are now separating by time and distance . You're no longer 14, 473 kilometres far from me , we're much nearer but I dont know what made us change. Wait , not us . It's you . I try as hard as I could , I try not to change too much . But it's your fault this time . I know your desire to make it work , I know , I simply know . But , I couldn't find any answer to all my question . 

I miss you , but you don't miss me that much now . I'm so eager to meet you , to see you again , but you ? I just dont want to talk about you anymore ? I am jealous . I'm letting you know now . I never tell you this , so Im telling you now . I am jealous . And I dont like it . I know they are your friends , but you never tell me about them . As if you're giving me clues about who I really am to you . 

I cant stop thinking , mom cant stop asking . She's so curious about us , dont blame her , because I'm curious too . I miss you , I still have feelings for you , I still love you  . It's almost three years now , wait ! No it's four . FOUR years . And I still feel the same about you . Never changed , not a bit . I still love you as much as I do on the day you said hello . On the day our eyes met . On the day I saw you making your signature move . On the day I saw you smile . On the day I saw you mad at me . On the day we started to be friends . On the day my heart said , this is for real . 

iloveyou

breathe in breathe out

You know , I used to think that we breathe to live . It is breathe to live . But we also breathe to calm down . To chill , to ease the pain A LITTLE , to relax , to this to that and to all . KETAM . I had a terrible Friday . Knowing that my assignment was rejected before further evaluation . At that particular moment , when I opened my Windows Media Player and play her our 5minutes of marks-less video , I felt like a kid with hideous drawing . It wasnt our best , Im sure ! It wasnt the best . Well-planned but wasnt well-done . I dont want to say that I wish for more time because we had more than enough . I wouldnt want to say that we dont have enough crew either . I dont know where's our fault . Felt a little pathetic . Trying to explain something that is too common , plain and boring . Explaining lame excuses . I pity my madam , for being my lecturer . For listening to what I have to say .

To be a nice person is not as easy as what the elderly says eventhough they have been through what we're going through right now . To take care of every living person's feeling is hard , as hard as trying to suck out snake's venom out of your leg . I have to do what I have to do , I have to be fair and teach somebody a lesson . This isnt  SMK , this is U . A single alphabet , no longer three . You can't be a kid , or expect people to spoonfeed you with everything . I wonder , when you first met a boy , you will surely make a move too , at that time , did your parents taught you how to flirt ? I think it's a NO . Why cant you do the same now ?

It is hard to work with people who doesnt know about his/her priority . I am not you , you are not me . I care for my marks because soon , I'm gonna find myself a good job and pay for my college fees . Because its not free and my parents arent paying for my college fees like your parents . Now I know why are you being so ungrateful .

Since the assignment was a disaster . WE are going to construct a new plan , hopefully it would work out this time . To this particular person , if you happen to read my blog . Please take note that Im not a mean , cold-hearted person . I am nice , but I take my assignments and college task seriously because I pay for it . Im a nice friend , but not a nice co-worker . Im sorry for dropping you out . But we're trying to finish this thing as soon as possible . Tagging you along is very risky . So sorry . If you were me , you would understand . But the thing is you're not me , because if you're me , you wouldnt do this .

Apa yang menyeronokkan aku ? Farid Kamil ke .

Farid oh farid kenapa engkau kacak ? HAHA . Kenapa aku suka Farid Kamil ? Sebab dia real melayu man . Macho , gagah , berwawasan , dan dia brilliant . Aku bukan suka Farid Kamil sebab dia dah top dan kacak . Aku suka dia dari zaman dia muda mentah lagi . Zaman orang tak terfikir Farid Kamil ini boleh jadi hero malaya . Aku suka Farid Kamil dari zaman cerita Erra dan Yusry tu , Cinta Kolestrol . Iklan iklan pun banyak tapi orang tak perasan sangat . Farid Kamil ini talented . Paling suka dia berlakon filem Papadom . Kelakar .

Nwayy sebab utama post benda ini is because FK dah break dengan dD , bukan suka sangat sebab apa . Tapi dD itu terlalu muda and macam tak padan dengan Farid Kamil . And paling suka dan menyeronokkan bila tengok FK update blog dia . Ye lah dia kan busy , bukan senang nak tengok updates dia . Pihak media , sikit sikit highlight kan issue FK dan dD , boringgg . FK kan memang jenis tak suka kecoh hal peribadi dia .

Walaupun ramai je kutuk FK kat one of the entry yang ada dalam BeautifulNara , saya tetap akan sokong dan LIKE FK :)

Here is one of the ads yang ada Farid Kamil . Suka ads tu , tapi tak suka Siti .

mak , adik nak nangis . tapi malu .

mak adik nak nangis tapi malu . Adik penakut T_T .

I need somebody to talk to so I could cry and let go of my sadness , but I dont have anybody to share my tears with . Im sorry . 

aku adalah seorang penggagal yang berjaya . betul betul betul .

Aku ini seorang penggagal ! *is there such word ?* lantak lah . Obviously . Tak ada satu benda pun aku boleh buat dengan betul . This is the kali ke berapa tah aku rasa down pasal homework/assignment . Aku tak blame siapa siapa selain diri sendiri . Aku umpama orang kurang upaya . Aku tak mampu nak buat yang terbaik , ternyata aku ini seorang leader yang tak ada ciri ciri leadership macam kakak aku . Dengan lagi empat orang pun aku tak boleh nak kerjasama and buat betul betul , just imagine , macam mana aku nak jadi chief editor kalau macam ini ? Sebab itulah aku tak suka buat kerja berkumpulan . Aku cepat rasa bersalah bila nak mengarah orang . Dalam assignment ni memang takde siapa elect aku jadi leader pun . Sendiri terhegeh hegeh nak jadi leader . Tapi aku bukan gila kuasa or whatsoever . Aku cuma nak kerja aku siap . Siap on time . Memang siap on time pun , tapi result dia macam last minute punya kerja walaupun sebenarnya kitorang dah work on it for months . Aku memang rasa sedih sebab aku tak mampu lead dorang . Aku tak blame dorang . Kesian dorang dapat leader lembik macam aku . Kalau aku ini lelaki , mesti tak layak jadi suami . Crap aku ini .

Aku imagine kerja ini jadi tiptop , tapi disebabkan beberapa kejadian yang tidak diingini , kerja ini kinda lambat habis , walaupun sebenarnya ada potensi untuk habis awal . Agak agak kalau tak lari jadual , mesti dah siap one week before submission date . And aku taktaw madam nak tak video ni esok . Aku rasa malu nak hantar . Malu nak tengok ramai ramai dengan classmate yang lain . Aku rasa nak email je kat madam and takmaw datang class psychology for ever . Nak lari jauh jauh .

Semester satu punya group presentation macam gampang , semester dua group video punya macam tah lah , tak tahu nak cakap . Semester tiga ? Aku nak beg lecturer untuk buat sendiri . Kalau tak pun aku nak pilih betul betul . Sorry kalau sesiapa terasa . Tapi I do take assignment seriously . Aku bukan anak orang kaya , yang boleh ponteng kelas , tak datang kelas , tak buat assignment . Aku anak orang sederhana . Mak tak kerja , pencen pun tarak . Bapak aku je kerja . Itu pun business , faham faham lah . Bukan semua orang business income dia stable all the time . There's up and down . Kalau nak harap kan ptptn , berapa kerat sangat lah aku dapat . Aku masuk Unisel pun sebab mak aku believe I could do well , I could excell , and be who I want to be . Aku dah kecewa kan mak aku lebih daripada bilangan jari yang aku ada untuk bilang . Aku taknak kecewakan mak aku lagi dan lagi . Cukup cukup lah trouble yang aku dah create zaman jahiliah dulu . Aku taknak ulang mistakes aku lagi .

Aku seronok tengok muka mak aku seronok masa aku bagitaw semester satu aku dekan . Takde apa yang lagi seronok dari tengok muka mak aku senyum ter-keh-keh-keh-keh . It's undescribable . Aku masuk Unisel , as batu loncatan untuk masuk Uitm , untuk buat Journalism in future sebab masa mintak diploma masscomm takdapat . Mati lah aku kalau setiap kali pun group assignment yang bunuh pointer aku . Kenapa lah aku lemah sangat  T_T . Mak , Ija mintak maaf . I did my best , tapi my best wasnt very best . I failed .

Ngerinya . Ngeri sangat bila tengok syarat kemasukan ke UITM for degree . Kena dapat cgpa 3.0 baru boleh apply , belum confirm dapat . Kena temu duga lagi . Busuk busuk pun 2.75 . Tapi kalau 2.75 , kena ada atleast pengalaman DUA TAHUN bekerja . Can you imagine ? Takdapat lah mak aku merasa gaji aku nanti . Gaji budak diploma berapa lah sangat , entah entah aku pun kena buat loan dengan mak aku nanti . Adoii hidup untuk hutang je . Dah hutang dengan kerajaan , hutang dengan mak lagi . Walaupun perjalanan jauh lagi , banyak perkara kena pikir . Kita tak boleh fikir benda secara cetek , macam budak kecik fikir nak main lari lari , langsung tak terfikir kemungkinan untuk jatuh terseradung . Aku bukan lagi budak 7tahun yang sibuk main polis entri one to jaga polis mati pencuri jaga . Aku dah jadi pra-dewasa . Aku kena fikir hala tuju hidup aku . Aku tak boleh bergantung pada mak aku macam penagih dadah yang asyik bergantung pada dadah . Aku taknak semua tu . Aku nak hidup sendiri , independently .

aku dah lama sangat rasa kecewa dengan diri sendiri . Letih nya dengan diri sendiri . Seorang penggagal yang berjaya .

macam kelakar tapi tak kelakar pun

Seronok kan perasaan dicintai dan mencintai . Seronok juga perasaan disakiti dan menyakiti . Lagi seronok bila percayai dan tidak mempercayai . Seseorang itu mungkin berasa ingin bercinta bila terkenangkan kemanisan madu , tetapi seseorang itu akan terus lari dari cinta setelah teringat kepahitan "bittergourd" *taktahu bahasa melayu dia apa :D* dan kepedihan ibarat pedih hulu hati serta pesakitan bagai tergigit lidah sewaktu mengunyah makanan . Suka suka tak bermaksud cinta . Cinta tak bermaksud memiliki . Memiliki tak bermaksud kekal . Kekal tak bermaksud abadi . Habis itu apa yang bermaksud ? Aku pun dah pening -.-' 

Seronok bila terkenang zaman kawan kawan , suka suka , kenal kenal , pandang pandang , jeling jeling , super saver super saver . Kemaruk tak hingat dunia . Kadang kadang rasa macam nak melalui zaman itu balik . Kadang kadang tak hendak . Bila tengok , ada lah jealous sikit hear and there . Just a lil bit * sambil nyanyi lagu Too Phat *  . Poyo sangat dah ni . Hurm back to cerita . Zaman ini lah yang kalau orang itu kentut , orang ini tak bau walaupun orang kata busuk bau durian semalam . Hikhik . 

*nak letak gambar dengan boipren/ex boipren . but never kept them . break terus buang T_T * 

Bercinta memang fun , tapi purpose of bercinta :

• A . suka suka
• B . cepat kaya 
• C . lebih matang 
• D . berjaya dalam hidup . 

Jawapan : none of the above . 

Haizzzz bosan nya hidup ni . I mean buat menit ni , sebab cuma study tapi distracted T_T . Erm ermmm , seronok lah kalau ada orang teman . Erm erm ermmm seronok kan perasaan bila orang kata orang suka kita . Okayy perasan betul . Tapi betul apa , seronok kan perasaan tu ? Macam pathetic pulak rasa nya buat entri ni . Walaupun setengah orang kata berdua lebih baik , sebenarnya tak baik mana ? Kau kata kau berdua , tapi kau yakin ke kau berdua dan bukan bertiga . Tipu lah kau ni . Pasti ada syaitan kan , masyaallah . Walaupun seronok berdua , tapi aku suka double date triple date and so . Seronok . Tak pernah try ? Cubalah . 

*eish dah letih dah nak type , nak sambung baca . Ada lagi 1 chapter nak baca dalam masa dua jam . haha . Bye bye . Take care wish me luck 

P/s : takde niat nak sindir sesiapa :) Cheers ! 

i dont like this trashy feeling im feeling .

This aint a big deal . Im not fussing or going crazy over it . Its just I felt like a trash as my title says "I dont like this trashy feeling im feeling" . We were together since I was still in form 3 . Everything went smoothly . But it's always me who have this "sticking" problem . I admit that I was a bad girlfriend but haven't I make you the happiest boy ever ? Like you told me ? 

My bad for ditching you few times . My bad for taking control of everything . But it's your choice to go with my flow . You made me choose to do whatever I want . Though this might sound a little silly , but I really liked you , like really love you . And somehow I felt those 10months I spent with you was just a waste of time . Felt like being punished by you for what had happened between us before that . Not my fault when I dislike you for being so shy .

When we were together , ada je problem and sometimes I wonder why . There's one time when your mom tried to break us up . One of the reason was I'm wasting your time . Your money and all . You were the golden boyy . You're the only son , the greatest and bla bla blaaa . So everybody were expecting the best from you eventhough youre not that great . Really . 

Eishhh geram nya ! Selalu kena macam macam . All sort of weird test . Like , whyyy ? Okayy lah kalau bukan jodoh . Break normally sudah lah . And and , the way you cakap and act with your current girlfriend as if I was a total hell . Entah lah , kau cakap lah apa kau suka . Letih betul . Hampir all my relationships doesnt work out sebab family tak berapa approve . As if aku jahat sangat . Doinkk . Maybe it's the way God trying to break us apart so I could find a better person . Cut the crap sheriza kamal . Don't let boys be an insects , keeps you running away , and not focussing . How are you going to buy all your stuff if you were playing all the time and not studying SHERIZA ? Once you finish your study , your parents won't give you even a penny . You have to work for it . Ohh man , life is hard T_T . Hopefully , I'll be what I want , get what I want . 

* tiba tiba lepas marah cakap perkara yang off the topic . Selalu pun mcm tu -.-' * 

money could do the all the trick

If money is like the air I breathe . I'd like to be deadly suffocated .  

If money is like the amount of hair . I like my hair best . 

If money is like the amount of calories and fats I consumed . I'd love to be as fat as I am now . 

If only whatever I wish for is not just a wish . Some people are hard different , some are the same , some are in between the two . And I am in the three of it. I'd like to be rich , not famous , kind , pretty in and out , and have what every girl would die for . I am okayy when I'm in my duper positive state , but I could sometime be upset with what I have . Not being too ungrateful . But wishing I would have everything that I want . I mean , thing . Not everything in a sense that I want to have people that I want . Sometimes  I think it's easier to be a guy , because guys never cares about what he has . 

Well , I care for the bags I carry , shoes I wear , clothes I put on , accesories I choose and more physical stuff . It is a big deal to me . I dont mind spending on expensive item , but I can only do it sometime . I don't earn a cent , yet . I wish I don't have to . I wish my parents could just pass it on me . Flash me a credit card with unbelievable limit .

                                   

How does it feel to carry a Damier Ebene Canvas or maybe Birkin ? I would die to have them , no I wouldnt . My life is more precious than few 'k' to a number . But I still want at least a Vertu . Please mom . Oh forget it . Every penny you spend is a penny that you would appreciate as you earn it yourself . Every Damier Ebene Canvas you carry worth more than a fortune if you use the money you earn . 

So at the end of the day , I find that , I dont really have to be a Raja , Tengku or Dato' or even Tan Sri's daughter to have a classic Birkin , vintage Chanel , Damier Ebene Canvas Lv . I could still be me , myself and have them . And they are the ones who should be grateful to have me as their master hehe *evil grin* All I need to do is study hard , work hard , earn hard . I dont want to say that it's very "duniawi" as it satisfy me a lot . I would say that , it's a reward I should give myself if I manage to earn lots of cash . But before getting myself one of those , I'd like to give my mom a reward she deserve to get . 1st reward is my over-booming/succesful career and goodjob . 2nd reward is to be able to provide her with my stable financial . 3rd  reward her favourite handbag , you name it mom . Imma get you your Fendi the real one ofcourse . 4th cute and loving grandkids . 5th lead a happy life . All five as a token of appreciation . 

I should stop wishing what I wasnt born to have or to be . I know I should learn to suck it all in , and try to be what I wasnt born to be . I can always change my destiny with a little help from god . 

terima kasih cinta

I memang suka buat muka over-excited kan kan . Well , nak buat macam mana . It's in the gene . Blame gene pulak dah :P 

Nwayyy , hari ini  , hari ini , ada apa dengan hari ini . Macam macam ada . Lain orang lain , tapi , harini agak special for me . Mengada je lebih . Sebab terjumpa senyuman yang lama hilang hekhekkkk . Dah dah takmaw ulas panjang pasal tu , nanti tak habis senyum . Erm, lagi satu yang menggembirakan hati is shooting untuk assignment psycho dah siap . Bagus bagus amat bangga dengan rakan rakan serta pelakon pelakon tambahan :D So now , tinggal edit dan susun dia ikut sequence je :) Lepas tu boleh bagi madam tengok and betulkan apa apa yang tidak madam berkenan . 

Sangat seronok sebenarnya mengarah benda ni , terutama bila kita mintak orang buat apa kita nak . And kita able to visualize thing , and that thing jadi for real . Ada idea lag sebenarnya . But couldnt do much . Theyre are total stranger so its kinda hard to wujudkan the chemistry , but what they did just now was almost to perfection according to my scale . I would rate it  7.5 out of 10 . Was hoping they could show more feelings , but they are no professional actor or actress . They might also never act . So , I guess thats their very best . And somehow , I was satisfied . 

And I finally , got the chance to think things through . And I got a better perspective on something . Sounds very cliche but , I felt happy for once . I'm feeling something , I am a human , woo hoo . 

Thanks to love . I could finish my assignment , I could smile , I could have fun with my friends , I could feel something again . 

lama tak update .

walaupun block aku takde orang baca sangat , still aku nak mintak maaf sebab tak update . incase ada fans to my block lah kan :D

few reasons kenapa aku sendiri rasa block aku boring ;

1. post yang too emotional . 
2. less colour , dull . 
3. header yang ala ala perasan .
4. less gambar 
5. post yang too ke-sendiri-an . 
6. bosan
7. bosan 
8. bosan
9. syok sendiri 
10. tak de uummpphhh 

sedih pulak on behalf of my block . but after all , my purpose of having a block bukan nya untuk share apa apa sangat . main reason is to let myself express my thoughts and feelings *nama block zara* 

jadi sukahati aku lah nak post apa kat block aku kan haha . lame-mo T_T 

photo from the Web

Terlalu banyak pengajaran yang tak terpelajari .

Terlalu banyak kegagalan .

Terlalu banyak kekecewaan .

Terlalu banyak kata kata tak terucap .

Terlalu banyak dendam .

Terlalu banyak balasan .

Terlalu banyak hikmah .

Terlalu banyak perit .

Terlalu banyak kejutan .

Terlalu banyak patah hati .

Terlalu banyak penghinaan .

Terlalu banyak ketidakpuasan .

Terlalu banyak pecah amanah .

Terlalu banyak kemungkaran .

Terlalu banyak janji kosong .

Terlalu banyak pembohongan .

Terlalu banyak rahsia .

Terlalu banyak keegoan .

Terlalu banyak pembisuan .

Terlalu banyak terlalu banyak .

the ugly truth/assumption

I dont know if this is real, but it sounds real enough that I dont have to trust my eyes on this . *oh wait , i got this news from my fb inbox . So basically i read it with my eyes . so , err does it means I have to trust my eyes on this as well ?* Okayy whatever it is , I mean , I read about this , thats how i got the news , I didnt saw what happened . GGGRRR  . 

I found out that one of my good friend is gay . To be honest , Im fine with somebody else being gay , but not HIM ! He's my friend and he seems straight enough and nice . On the other hand , the other guy who is expected to be his partner is somehow gay . No doubt . I dont know if I should trust him or the news . The thing is im still waiting for my friends to ask him about this . Well , who would ever want to admit that he's gay , except for that guy who confessed and post the video on youtube.com . Even I dont know thats for real or if he's just bullshiting around . I dont know . 

I had enough of this homo thing . I dont anti this people but I really dont want to be close to them . Theyre fine , but theyre not my ideal friends , no matter how nice they were . I myself had commit alot of sin , and i dont want to be a part of his sins . Back then in Ipoh , I was always told that this friend of mine *another guy from my town* is gay . Everybody kept telling me that thing . I refused to take it as a fact , but somehow I learnt to believe the rumours . Maybe its true in a way or so . But I trust him , he told me NO . SO I take that NO as a NO ! Means I dont think he's gay . But whenever I got upset with him , I'll accidentally have this thought " HE'S GAY ! Thats why he's bullshitting me. " 

Entah lah , when I was in high school , Im surrounded by homos , theyre everywhere in my school . I could still accept lesbo , but not gay . Because guys are meant to be the women's saviour . Theyre supposed to be strong and protective , but how could he protect a women when he's falling for a guy ? Thats absurd ! 

wake up call

Today , I woke up late again and I go online straight away , without brushing my teeth first . While waiting for my laptop to on , I went off to brush my teeth and make myself an instant soup and took the herb bread as well . And as went online , I came across this Starbucks Java Chip Frappucino . It's one of my favourite and I haven't had one for a long time . 

I couldnt even remember the last time I had one . Well , there's only one Starbucks in town . And that's kinda far from my house . I have to go few miles to  get this . So not worth it . However , Im looking forward to get one for myself pretty soon :D

thats all for now , bye .

If only

If only I listened to my mom before . I wouldnt screw up my life . I should never go on a date . I've never know how she felt and I've never bother to ask too . Now Im feeling bad . I can't go over and ask her how did she feels about me when I know Im one of her biggest mistake after whoever it is lah . I couldnt ask , I felt bad enough . But I couldnt be nice though . I couldnt put my ego aside even it's for mom . It's not that I dont love her , it's just that Im too selfish . I dont want to hurt my unvaluable pride over admitting my own crime .

If only I could turn back time . Many people said this , so  that they could fix things up . But I wont wish to turn back time anymore . I wish I could change sooner than ever . So that I wont dissapoint her . However I almost did by not studying for my final exam last semester . But thank god I nailed it . Though it wasnt excellent , but I did fine . But fine wont make her the happiest mother . I want to do best . So she could be proud of me . Me taking this course is a little pain . Not much people who understands the passion you have when you love to write , when you love to dig up stories and share it with people . When you have the needs to express yourself without anything to stop you . It is hard to find people who truly understands you , and are willing to keep their mouth shut about you .

I wish the demon in me could go to hell . I know this is the result of me not practising my religion's practise . I didnt perform solah . I'm admitting my crime , the reason why soul isnt at peace . I dont know what to do . I couldnt ask my mom , I would burst if I did . I dont like to hear her nagging . My god , Im a sinner . Let me have my time to repent . I hope it wont take much time . Im afraid it's too late .

When I think of her age , Im afraid I might lose her soon enough . Im certainly not ready for such thing , I know I should be grateful I still have her . I realised and certainly are aware of most things , but I still couldnt be good and make things right . I like it when my mother arrange my financial thing , because its not my thing . I dont mind spending on things my mom would like , though she would definitely spend the money on me first . But money is nothing when I have my mom . I am a lazy bump . I know mom is tired of doing all the chores .  But I like to wear the clothes mom folds for me , the clothes she wash , the ones she hang , the one she picked for me when we went shopping . I like the fact that I can talk to my mother like my own friend though she is against my thought like most of the times . She is a lady with lots of patience in her , she dont rush for things , while I just cant wait . I like the fact that sometimes she tried to make me use the ruler when I simply like to underline things without ruler. I like it when she forced me to speak in English , when I hate it much because I dont feel I could fit in with the girls at school because they dont speak English  and because people always put on labels to those who speaks in English . There was this time when Im very poor in Bahasa Melayu . Til my Bm teacher makes fun of me by saying "Kamu dah tak reti cakap bahasa melayu? Bm kamu teruk." . I tried to balance it up , but then I hate English . I prefer Indians and Chinese friends , but still I have to make Malay friends too because I have to go to Pendidikan Islam's class . Im not being bias or going against my race but I couldnt understand the fact that why do people tend to label others by the language a person speak .

I wish I did well in UPSR , I wish my mom be a little hard on me , but that's not the way . She would never hit us , not just us , anybody . I know her dissapointment towards me . I was excellent in maths , once . But now , my maths is as bad as I've never learnt any before . But her faith towards me are forever . I'm feeling sad , truly am . She somehow let me befriends with guys and opens up the world for me . She gave a little guide , and let me explore the rest on my own . She trusted me , but I betrayed that too . But she never lose hope on me . I'm sorry for being such a bad kid . But she dont mind that , because she believed that I will feel remorse and try not to repeat it again . She wants me to taste the bitterness of the coffee without sugar , and learnt to add sugar to my own cup of coffee . And I did learnt it that way . Thank god my mistake wasnt too big and I wasnt in it for too long . I'm selfish .

When I was young, much younger than now . I bet I was 15 that time , I'm very curious about almost everything . I always wanted to try new things . I just couldnt care about how many no's I got from mom . I sometimes lied to her , go on a date behind her back . I lied to her about some school activities , but ended up going to the mall with a boy whom I like very much . I was pretty , they say . At that time , I was young , still quite fair and thin . I certainly can find any boys and I did . I flirt with so many boys , and I felt so stupid now when I think it over and over again . I was on top of the world when so many boys came up to me , texting me , asking for my number , stealing my number from my friends . But that leads to nowhere . I'm a total fool . But Im glad mom didnt put any wall in front of me , I then learnt from my silly mistake . And at that particular time , I finally realised that I should study well . I should be smart too . So that people wont be easy on me . They wont look down on me . I managed to score , but not excellent . I got 3A's , 2B's , 3C's .

Then , during my form 4 days . I started well , but I lose my focus when I got dumped and feeling sad . I had forgotten about my mom for a whle . I forgot the reason why I went to school and study . I forgot everything and I regret it , til its almost too late . During my final schooling days , I realised again that I need to push myself , but again , I took myself and mom for granted . I always came to my senses when its almost too late .  I didnt do well , but mom wasnt that upset as usual . She nag , but only for a while . But she was devastated when I didnt a place in a local government university . Well she wasnt the only one who is upset . I am too . I wanted to go to UIA , so that I could be a better daughter for her , a daughter worth giving birth to . But I break her heart into pieces . In fact I didnt get into any of the government university , but still she didnt give up on me . She still stand up for me even when dad had forced me to do something I dont like . Father forced me to re-appeal and apply another course , he was going to ask my aunt to help me with my application . But it wasnt a right thing to do , and I dont have any interest in what he wants me to do . I owe mom a lot .

I am sorry mom , truly am . Though my mom couldnt read this because I never taught her how to open and read up my blog and to never google about me :D But I just hope anybody who reads this will start to think twice of your reason for living and your mistakes . It is never too late to change , it is better late than never as well . I really hope you will try to improve yourself , you dont get the chance to be with your mom or maybe dad twice . They appear only once in your life , so make the most out of it . Let all the time spent is worth living and spendng . Try to make things right and make them happy as much as you want to be happy too .
Much love for my mom and dear readers <3

This song is for my mom , this is one of her favourite , mine as well . You are my everything by The Stylistic .

Goodnight .