Thanks but no thanks .

photo from the web

Thank you for explaining , I really appreciated it . Thank you for waking me up from my deep sleep . I just play along with your game til I realise I was really into it . But I'm alright now , I'm okay . And I don't lie about that . You don't have to make it up to me or do anything to make me feel good about it , because I'm okay . You made me realise that I'm still a human being when I still have faith in you .

I must say that I've been fooled by you because I sort of trust you , and I believe that I'm stone-cold and I won't get hurt again . But seriously I'm okay , so how do I put these in words and make you understand ? I'm done , and I don't want of this shits anymore . It's not that I'm hurting that much and the only thing I know is drug and suicide . No no , I'm not that stupid . It's just I feel slightly hurt and I don't want to get myself into trouble with another person , bonding , making a special relationship .

I'm seriously okay . I don't need someone to keep on apologizing and making thousand promise of making it up to me , I really don't .

You don't need to tell me how bad you miss me , because I know , you did because your girlfriend wasn't there for you but I was . And everytime your girlfriend ignores you , I was there to keep you company .

I know relationships , been through it a lot of times . I've learnt much til I'm hating the subject . But I'm not going to give up on it , I'm just going to give up on you . Because I had enough of you . I'm no longer your toy . I'm sorry that I got so sick of you .

But we're still friends , just friends .

You , me , ke laut .

You , me , we , no talking . 

You , me , we , lost in the sea . 

You , me , we , nobody , stranger . 

You , me , no us , awkwardness . 

It has been a while , no no not a while , a year or so .  So when we was the last time you made me smile ? Back then earlier 2010 when my smile for you is for real . Towards the end of 2010 , it wasnt even a smile . I made it up so you won't feel bad , though you don't feel a thang . I really miss who I thought you were . 

The guy who made me smile without fail , the guy who made me laugh out loud , the guy who made me lost all the words , the guy who would made me say not a word but just smile in the car while you were driving , the guy who were nice to my friends , the guy who fit in with my friends in a blink , the guy who went to the party and party as if its his friend's party , the guy who made me sing my heart out , the guy who never say NO to anything i said , the guy who will sing on my birthday , the guy who made me wants to online every single night , the guy who text me just before he sleep , the guy who crave for McD in the middle of the night , the guy who thought of me when he wants for McD , the guy who once said "Thankyou for having faith in him, Thankyou for everything, Thankyou for staying when everybody leaves, Thankyou for being so honest".

I miss the guy who means the world to me before he left for 

something big in his life . 

I really miss you that I cant stop myself from dreaming about you . 

There's this one night , where I dreamt about the both you , you and chewing gum . But , the main character of the dream was you . You were at my school , for this IU day , like we used to go . There's an explorace , erm more like the confusing garden maze . And we were too busy talking that all of our friends had left us behind . But you told me not to worry , well I wasnt convinced at first , I dont know what charm did you used , but you managed to convince me . I enjoy walking and talking , and its 9pm something . We walked hand in hand , talked about almost everything . Never get tired of listening to you or walking . And like always , our dream will never end the way we want it , the more we want to dream , the shorter the dream will be . I think about an hour after dreaming , mom woke me up . *spoilllll*

And last night dream's , I cant remember it now , but what I know , you held my hand  Hug me tightly to you , and I woke up singing Demi Cinta - Kerispatih with few drops of unpleasant tears . Adoi .

I miss you , I really do . Though I know I'll never get the old you back . 

Hello I'm a little Gatal tonight .

Tonight I shall unfold some secret of my own . I am almost 19 years old . I am a girl with lust for things . I have a dream , big one .

One ; To be successful in everything I do .

Two ; To make my family proud . 

Third ; To be merry and happy all the time . 

Fourth ; To have a a wonderful job . 

Fifth ; To be well-known ( in a good way ) .

Sixth ;  To serve my country in my own way .

Seventh ; To have a stable financial .

Eigth ; To take care of my parents .

Nineth ; To settle down with a man who deserve me .

Tenth ; To be a proud parents . 

I was born and born in a complete family . I still have both of my parents . I am always at the center . I was not rich , but I was not poor too . I did not get what I want all the time , but I sometimes get them when I behave . I was not spoilt much , I was taught to looked around from various angle . 


I must say that Im pretty much fussy , in almost everything . You know , sometimes I really want to see how my life would be in 8 years time . I'm afraid of getting married to a wrong man , and screw up my life . I dont want to make a huge mistake like that . I dont want to fall for a wrong person . I dont want to get married or date someone now , I just want to know . I need to know . 


I dont know what I'm thinking now . 8 years isn't that far from now . Hurm :( 

chipsmoreeee (sebut macam ni : chhibss-moo-rayy)

I seriously dont know why is this all happening to me , Ive been good but but people treat me like shit :(
Pergi mati lah kau buat aku nak nangis :'(
Masa kau nak pergi dulu beria je aku nangis air mata darah :'(
Beria je aku dengar kau nangis :'(
Chibs betul !
Memang macam bodoh lah kan aku melayan kau ?
Aku ada boyfriend pun aku still spend time dengan kau .
Sekali kau balik buat macam ini dengan aku .
Aku taw lah kalau ye pun kita baik balik macam pelik dan mustahil , tapi agak agak lah .
Takkan dengan dia kot ?
You gotta be kidding me!
I was your dumbest cheerleader .
I think I was always there for you ,
except those time when Im already in college .
But its not that I never tried .
Tolonglah , that dumbass over me ?
Serious kelakar. Kakak kau tau tak hal ni ?
You fool . Patutlah recently kau layan aku cam haram ,
sebab dumbass tu kan ?
HELLO ! I was perfect to you before ,
and HELLO I didnt change , not even a bit .
Urghhh tensi aku dengan kau ,
bukan kau tak boleh make up your mind nak pilih course apa ,
nak pakai baju apa pun tak taw .
Fuhh fuhhh , bernafas lah sheriza kamal !

Nak nangisssssssssssssss :'(

this lonelinesss is killing me and i dot dot dot .

I miss the us that used to sit down at McD at any hour ,

 eating a lot of fries and chat and then tell of every secret that we know . 

I miss the us that likes camwhoring much ,

and ended laughing looking at the darndest photo of us .

I miss so many things about . 

I miss the feeling of jealous I get when someone text you when we're

in the cinema . 

And now I finally know *i dont know for sure , but  I can guess* that I have no right to do all the stuff anymore and no rights to be jealous . Its all over , but Im not over it . Im happy for you , but Im unhappy for myself too . However , I wont act patheticly infront of you . But one thing I'd like you to know , you're the best guy ever . You always made my day . McD is supa dupa fun with you . And thanks for singing your heart out for me . 

more ugleh photos soon . 

I think I know now

Being with somebody for so many years , without any relation doesn't guarantee you that he/she is going to be yours . You may think that he/she will , only time decide , but actually you're pretty sure that you're saying that just because you want to feel good . And that's good , for a short period , bad for a long term . When things between the both of you didnt work well because of that person , you'll feel crush . And hard for you to get up , because your hope is crushed . 

Im feeling that crushed feeling now . But we were once closed, we were once together, we were once separated by miles, we were once separated by your desire, we were once separated by fate, we are now separating by time and distance . You're no longer 14, 473 kilometres far from me , we're much nearer but I dont know what made us change. Wait , not us . It's you . I try as hard as I could , I try not to change too much . But it's your fault this time . I know your desire to make it work , I know , I simply know . But , I couldn't find any answer to all my question . 

I miss you , but you don't miss me that much now . I'm so eager to meet you , to see you again , but you ? I just dont want to talk about you anymore ? I am jealous . I'm letting you know now . I never tell you this , so Im telling you now . I am jealous . And I dont like it . I know they are your friends , but you never tell me about them . As if you're giving me clues about who I really am to you . 

I cant stop thinking , mom cant stop asking . She's so curious about us , dont blame her , because I'm curious too . I miss you , I still have feelings for you , I still love you  . It's almost three years now , wait ! No it's four . FOUR years . And I still feel the same about you . Never changed , not a bit . I still love you as much as I do on the day you said hello . On the day our eyes met . On the day I saw you making your signature move . On the day I saw you smile . On the day I saw you mad at me . On the day we started to be friends . On the day my heart said , this is for real . 

iloveyou

macam kelakar tapi tak kelakar pun

Seronok kan perasaan dicintai dan mencintai . Seronok juga perasaan disakiti dan menyakiti . Lagi seronok bila percayai dan tidak mempercayai . Seseorang itu mungkin berasa ingin bercinta bila terkenangkan kemanisan madu , tetapi seseorang itu akan terus lari dari cinta setelah teringat kepahitan "bittergourd" *taktahu bahasa melayu dia apa :D* dan kepedihan ibarat pedih hulu hati serta pesakitan bagai tergigit lidah sewaktu mengunyah makanan . Suka suka tak bermaksud cinta . Cinta tak bermaksud memiliki . Memiliki tak bermaksud kekal . Kekal tak bermaksud abadi . Habis itu apa yang bermaksud ? Aku pun dah pening -.-' 

Seronok bila terkenang zaman kawan kawan , suka suka , kenal kenal , pandang pandang , jeling jeling , super saver super saver . Kemaruk tak hingat dunia . Kadang kadang rasa macam nak melalui zaman itu balik . Kadang kadang tak hendak . Bila tengok , ada lah jealous sikit hear and there . Just a lil bit * sambil nyanyi lagu Too Phat *  . Poyo sangat dah ni . Hurm back to cerita . Zaman ini lah yang kalau orang itu kentut , orang ini tak bau walaupun orang kata busuk bau durian semalam . Hikhik . 

*nak letak gambar dengan boipren/ex boipren . but never kept them . break terus buang T_T * 

Bercinta memang fun , tapi purpose of bercinta :

• A . suka suka
• B . cepat kaya 
• C . lebih matang 
• D . berjaya dalam hidup . 

Jawapan : none of the above . 

Haizzzz bosan nya hidup ni . I mean buat menit ni , sebab cuma study tapi distracted T_T . Erm ermmm , seronok lah kalau ada orang teman . Erm erm ermmm seronok kan perasaan bila orang kata orang suka kita . Okayy perasan betul . Tapi betul apa , seronok kan perasaan tu ? Macam pathetic pulak rasa nya buat entri ni . Walaupun setengah orang kata berdua lebih baik , sebenarnya tak baik mana ? Kau kata kau berdua , tapi kau yakin ke kau berdua dan bukan bertiga . Tipu lah kau ni . Pasti ada syaitan kan , masyaallah . Walaupun seronok berdua , tapi aku suka double date triple date and so . Seronok . Tak pernah try ? Cubalah . 

*eish dah letih dah nak type , nak sambung baca . Ada lagi 1 chapter nak baca dalam masa dua jam . haha . Bye bye . Take care wish me luck 

P/s : takde niat nak sindir sesiapa :) Cheers ! 

i dont like this trashy feeling im feeling .

This aint a big deal . Im not fussing or going crazy over it . Its just I felt like a trash as my title says "I dont like this trashy feeling im feeling" . We were together since I was still in form 3 . Everything went smoothly . But it's always me who have this "sticking" problem . I admit that I was a bad girlfriend but haven't I make you the happiest boy ever ? Like you told me ? 

My bad for ditching you few times . My bad for taking control of everything . But it's your choice to go with my flow . You made me choose to do whatever I want . Though this might sound a little silly , but I really liked you , like really love you . And somehow I felt those 10months I spent with you was just a waste of time . Felt like being punished by you for what had happened between us before that . Not my fault when I dislike you for being so shy .

When we were together , ada je problem and sometimes I wonder why . There's one time when your mom tried to break us up . One of the reason was I'm wasting your time . Your money and all . You were the golden boyy . You're the only son , the greatest and bla bla blaaa . So everybody were expecting the best from you eventhough youre not that great . Really . 

Eishhh geram nya ! Selalu kena macam macam . All sort of weird test . Like , whyyy ? Okayy lah kalau bukan jodoh . Break normally sudah lah . And and , the way you cakap and act with your current girlfriend as if I was a total hell . Entah lah , kau cakap lah apa kau suka . Letih betul . Hampir all my relationships doesnt work out sebab family tak berapa approve . As if aku jahat sangat . Doinkk . Maybe it's the way God trying to break us apart so I could find a better person . Cut the crap sheriza kamal . Don't let boys be an insects , keeps you running away , and not focussing . How are you going to buy all your stuff if you were playing all the time and not studying SHERIZA ? Once you finish your study , your parents won't give you even a penny . You have to work for it . Ohh man , life is hard T_T . Hopefully , I'll be what I want , get what I want . 

* tiba tiba lepas marah cakap perkara yang off the topic . Selalu pun mcm tu -.-' * 

down down down , bukan jay sean

Rasa sangat down lepas news tu , tak boleh nak concentrate on assignmnts at all . Tak boleh nak senyum pun . Muka serious bebeh . Rasa macam letih dengan surrounding yang macam haktuihh ni . Tapi entahlah . 2010 , youre a bad year . 

Slmt malam , nak tengok another episode of Marry Me Mary then Im off to bed . 

the ugly truth/assumption

I dont know if this is real, but it sounds real enough that I dont have to trust my eyes on this . *oh wait , i got this news from my fb inbox . So basically i read it with my eyes . so , err does it means I have to trust my eyes on this as well ?* Okayy whatever it is , I mean , I read about this , thats how i got the news , I didnt saw what happened . GGGRRR  . 

I found out that one of my good friend is gay . To be honest , Im fine with somebody else being gay , but not HIM ! He's my friend and he seems straight enough and nice . On the other hand , the other guy who is expected to be his partner is somehow gay . No doubt . I dont know if I should trust him or the news . The thing is im still waiting for my friends to ask him about this . Well , who would ever want to admit that he's gay , except for that guy who confessed and post the video on youtube.com . Even I dont know thats for real or if he's just bullshiting around . I dont know . 

I had enough of this homo thing . I dont anti this people but I really dont want to be close to them . Theyre fine , but theyre not my ideal friends , no matter how nice they were . I myself had commit alot of sin , and i dont want to be a part of his sins . Back then in Ipoh , I was always told that this friend of mine *another guy from my town* is gay . Everybody kept telling me that thing . I refused to take it as a fact , but somehow I learnt to believe the rumours . Maybe its true in a way or so . But I trust him , he told me NO . SO I take that NO as a NO ! Means I dont think he's gay . But whenever I got upset with him , I'll accidentally have this thought " HE'S GAY ! Thats why he's bullshitting me. " 

Entah lah , when I was in high school , Im surrounded by homos , theyre everywhere in my school . I could still accept lesbo , but not gay . Because guys are meant to be the women's saviour . Theyre supposed to be strong and protective , but how could he protect a women when he's falling for a guy ? Thats absurd ! 

Jatuh Cinta Lagi .

Dont blame me pleashhh *nada mengada-gedik* . Dah dalam darah , nak buat cmne , takkan nak keluarkan semua darah , cuci gedik mengada masukkan darah balik . Lebih lah tu , debik kang :D Okayy the title says it all. Saya jatuh cinta lagi , awww mak menyampah lah nocs . Kali ni dengan sape pulak ? Oh kali ni dengan old flame <3 Ye lah siapa orangnya ?

Omg omg , malas lah bagitaw sapa dia , takkan tak kenal , DUHHH . Flinstone lah kau kalau taktahu . I sangat like this guy , and so far I ikut cerita yang dia berlakon , yang dalam tv lah ofcourse . Dia banyak dalam theatre tapi ye lah tempat aku damn ceruk nak pergi theatre payah okayy . He's cute but im into his talent . Dia punya writing is somehow inspiring . Very the seni lah . 

Speaking of suka suki and love , I personally miss all the moment masa flirt and starts to know each other , and masa we discovered there's this person who likes us . hee hee . 

mahu tapi tak mahu

im afraid of you , afraid of losing you kot . malas nak blog banyak pasal ni . Tapi the littlest thing became the biggest thing , my mistake again . Damn you damn me damn us .

I miss you , i tak boleh terima apa yang dah jadi to you . Why is this happening to us ? 

Im an idiot sbb still harap what you said is true and youre going to make things right . 

mom is always right , in almost every matter . 

Mak , Im a bloody loser blood sucka mak. What should I do ? I can't tell you that he's treating me badly and I can't tell you that he didnt break my heart . 

Dah malas nak cakap , bekalan idea terputush 

Facts not fiction or myths

I always have the thought that I know you best . Better than anyone else. Im always right , but Im wrong this time . I didnt take the chance to know you better . I didnt take the opportunity to be close to your other heart . Im selfish , I really am . Im sorry . I'll play nice .

Its your game , I'll move along . Anyhow , Im sorry for being such a jerk to you , because I didnt know . I was too busy with myself . But I do love you . and you know that to me . But it doesnt matter anymore . Because I know deep down you sure have your own reason . So , whatever you want . Do as you wish . Im not gonna stop you , I had enough . Im opening it up , to you . But to others as well .

Menangis lagi ?

Masih teringin nak menangis tanpa henti . Rasa teruk sangat dalam hati ni . Bila kita dah terlalu percaya dan bergantung , kita bagi our all . Hurmm entah lah . Letih lah sayang dia sangat , letih ada perasaan dalam hati ni . Entah bila lah sayang tu tumbuh macam cendawan . Sayang banyak sangat . My highschool love . It isnt puppy love . I know its not . I know myself best .

Taktaw lah wht the fuck Im doing, crying each and every night and day . I mean I do deserve to be happy kan ? But dalam banyak banyak orang , kenapa dia yang treat me this way ? What have I done ? Kenapa dia buat macam ni sekali . Eish damn , my friends must be hating me because of this shit .

I may be smilling and laughing all day , but deep down inside I just cant stop thinking of him . I mean what do I do without him ? When we were like Coffee and CoffeeMate . hurm

hari ini , like finally

Wee , Im not sure if I should be happy about seeing him later . I have this scared + nervous + idk feeling . I really wonder why . I mean I should be freaking excited , doing facial right now and wish I was 30kilos lighter now . But I dont . I feel like Im burdened with terrible fear .

Fear of something , I dont know what is it.

Dream dream dream

* The Everly Brothers - All I Have To Do is Dream *

Nak kata aku terfikir sangat , tak lah . Nak kata rindu sangat , agak lah . Nak kata benci , entah lah .
Tapi dah entah kenapa termimpi kan dia dan rakan rakan dia . Okayy mimpi dia dan rakan dia tu takpe lagi . Still normal . Yang abnormal nya ialah dia sleepover rumah aku dan bapak aku bagi . Bapak aku tak marah . As if my dad's brain had just been washed . Dont he remembered what had happened to us ?

Entah lah . Sometimes I can feel that maybe its our destiny to be together . Maybe not now , some other day . When we both have a job , and everythng is 99% complete . Maybe by having each other would complete our life . I dont know if i want to live with people like him . But who the hell knows about it , Only God knows . We , human being can never predict/know .

I know its too soon to think about my another half . But , no matter how bad we hate each other , or turn our head around , we'll get back together , soberly . LOL .

I liked him , but I find that he's still living his old life and attitude . Maybe he'll change once he gets older . Hopefully . But , I dont hope to stay with him for the rest of my life . Hopefully I'll meet someone new . Someone better . Someone who could change me , let me be me , but better me .

May all my prayers come true . May god bless me . May I live a good life today , tomorrow , toyears .

Amin :) 

TL .

Tengok nama je dah boleh buat my heart berdetak kencang seperti genderang mau perang :D

HAHA , dah macam nak menyanyi je .

Hurm tengok nama kau je dah boleh buat aku rasa berdebar nak pengsan , macam mana lah ni ?

Tolonglah kuat kan diri aku ni *monologue*