Sunday, September 11, 2011
Hey , It's Sunday the 11th , 0104 am.
Mood : Terribly mixed.
Current Song : Gavin DeGraw - Not Over You.
Hi people, I've abandoned my blog for quite some time . If you follow my blog from time to time (I bet nobody followed) you might see the pattern of the often-ness of me updating. Please don't mind the broken or rojak language I'm using. I'm not in my best suit , and my mind is not in peace.
I've been seeing a lot of people lately , people who were once the most important person in my life , some are people whom I just met , some are people who were there all the time and some who were once important and were not there all the time.
And lately , I got too attach to the person who were once the most important person in my life but I screw it up at that time and I didn't really regret it. It happens few years back , and we kept on clinging on each other each time we started to contact each other back. And previously it was my fault, I created a scene, twice. I don't blame him for hating me but poor me he didn't feel anything about what I had done. Instead, he offers to stay and keep me accompany now and make me feel special. Just the way I want to be treated right now. Don't get too happy, behind every happy story, there's always one thing that would spoil it up. Not gonna elaborate on that because it's ALOT !
So, while we were so happy together, I'm the bad person over here. To be honest, we're not an item. Not even a scandal, we have no relationship at all. So basically I'm still single, it's just that I'm not really available. He's in a relationship with a girl, look I don't care if you say that I'm a bitch because I steal people's boyfriend. You don't know the situation we're facing over here, so you don't have any right to judge. At first, I find that the picture is fine but then I feel greedy. How I don't want to share him with his girlfriend. How I feel insecure, how I starts to put the blame on him and telling him that I feel used.
I want to be with him permanently, eventhough I know it's not the right thing to do. So I tried to leave, but like always, leaving him is the second hardest to do after eating vege in every meal I had. I tried to stop myself from replying or sending text messages to him but when I managed to keep myself busy, barely holding my phone, he text me first. For the past few weeks, I didn't text him first. Not that I waited for him to text me first, but I was hoping that he didn't text me at all so that I won't text him, forever.
But my plan is a total failure when he text me first and I felt so miang to reply the text. What to do, I like having him near me. Too bad for me when now I'm starting to get too attached to him, that I can't sleep without skyping with him first before I go to bed in the AM. Well he kept me accompanied when I need to burn the oil, in midnight -.-' And I did the same when he had to finish off his assignmentssss.
This part makes me feel proud, he had been skipping class for few times and ever since we start to get in touch back, I've talked to him about the need of going to class and submitting assignments on time. Well, he got to class a little late, but he managed to make it to class, since then he never skipped any class. And when I wanted to skip, he scolded me back :/
You see, I don't even remember when was the last time I feel the joy of having someone so close to me. Someone who would text me all the crazy stuff every single day and makes me smile just by seeing his number on my cellphone. I'm not desperate, I don't date every guy I met on the street. I'm a Virgo, and Virgo-ans are very picky. Not that I'm too perfect that I was given the right to be choosy but I have this little thoughts of mine "I only have one life, I carry my body every single day, I breathe, I eat, I take shower and all, so why can't I choose the best for myself after all the hardwork I did to myself?" I don't want to waste my precious life to someone who don't deserve me, not even a bit.
Call me selfish but all I want is to be happy. Too wait for something or someone that is so impossible to have is not worth waiting, unless that person is Taylor Lautner LOL!
All I want is just to feel good, to live, to love, to smile, to be happy.
Even if it's wrong, even if I know it's wrong. Just let me enjoy the moment for a while.