Sunday, September 18, 2011

1 litre of tears , my version

Maybe most of you will think that I'm making such fuss about small thing , but to me it's a big deal . It's between life and death . Many will think that I shouldn't be spending my birthday crying , but what else to do except lying on my bed crying .

I'm not asking for much , only full attention for a day , even that is so hard to give . All I want is hug , and a birthday cake . This is the first time that I didn't blow out candle, and I feel terribly sad . You have to blow candles each year. It means that you're growing up , blowing your younger years away. I know I should be more matured by now , since I'm already 19. But I just can't let this go.

I know my parents are pretty old now , but that doesn't give them any exception on not to give me a hug and get me a cake . Even if it's a slice . Last year was awesome , I got a whole cake from Syiran , a piece of cake from the girlfriends . This is year is bad , no cake no present so far , nothing , na da .

Not that I expect to get presents , but you see , this year , my birthday seems meaningless to me . No birthday dinner , nothing . How can I not go mad about this ? Nobody in this house even sang me the birthday song , like HELLO ! It's my birthday .

Yikes I'm starting to feel so sick about this . And the person whom I got in a relationship to , is pretty much the same . How can you tell me you love me , you care when you weren't trying to let me have the best day of the year. He's mad at me because I'm mad at him , but he didn't even try to make me feel good about all this bad things thats happening. The best part of yesterday is , he fell asleep when he got back to Ampang's house , and left his handphone in his cousin's car . While I'm in Shah Alam , calling him like crazy , wondering what had happened to him , wondering if he's still alive . Called him thousand times , wanted to go out with him , but he couldn't be bothered . Telling me that there's always next time , NO ! There's no next time , there's only on 170911 . There's no 170911 day 2 .

I'm just so happy that the day had passed , but too bad I still can't let it go. The feelings I'm bottling inside , it's way more that just a litre. I feel so tired .

Mom kept asking me why am I so moody , I just don't have the mood to talk to her . I wonder why can't she figure it out herself , so deppressing .

I have to stop writing now , tears kept falling and I can't take it anymore . Bye .

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