Isolated ?

I dont know , Ive been laughing much . But yet , I still feel isolated , love-less , nobody cares for me . He started to tell me that he ran out of words and had stopped replying . Fine then , oldmates ? Couldnt care less . Everybody only cares for the thing their having . I know I should be grateful with what I have .

But I still feel empty , I have forgive and forget . But still , that emptiness wont go away . I just want to cry a river and hopefully I wont be crying anymore after that . If crying would help , I would cry til there's no more tears . Til I just cant cry anymore .

I dont want a lover , I dont want anymore good friends who would tell me how much they care but ended up caring for their business only . I just want to feel the happiness I used to feel . It seems like Im losing everything . Im crying , a little . I dont even know why Im holding this tears back . Im not crying for anyone else I guess . Im crying for myself . Im such a pitiful creature . I have sinned much , and this is the cost I have to pay while Im still on earth . I complained because I couldnt take it anymore . But I would still carry on living . I couldnt even find a reason to die .

You have no idea how Im trying to stay alive over here . I tried to be there for each of you , eventhough Im so far away from you guys . But I guess all my effort to close the gap and keep it like before is just a waste of time . I couldnt say this straight to you guys , so Im writting it down . It doesnt matter if you guys didnt read this crap because Im just writting it so that I wont be totally insane keeping everything inside .

I dont have any more shoulders to cry on , people to pat on my shoulder . Girls to make me smile and imitate Ning Baizura . Im missing everything that had passed by . I just dont want it to happen . Am i over-reacting ? Yes I am , Im freaking out because I know how much you guys meant to me and Im afraid to lose .

I miss you , I miss you , I miss you . Why is this happening to me ?

Hopefully things would get better each time I wake up , but things never did . Days keep the gap bigger and I just couldnt make it smaller .