Im not okayy each time I said Im okayy . Im not fine each time I said Im fine .
Im trying to be okayy and fine , but I just cant . I looked so strong , physically, but not mentally.
He doesnt hurt that much , Its nothing compared to what M did before . He crushed my world years ago. And I am now ready , but I was hurt again . And I bet, I wasnt prepared both mentally and physically .
I am fine, really but I just cant stop crying . Not because of him only, its because of I still cant get rid of that phobia thing I had. I cant stop thinking of how bad I got hurt and how bad I will get hurt in future. I wish I could stop torturing my mind. But I cant.
Sometimes , I felt that I didnt have the right to be loved or to love. Sometimes , I blame the world , most of the time I blame myself . I did whatever I had to do to make things right . But it seems like nothing can be right for me . I dont know . I just dont want to think , but I happened to think of it.
Yang buatkan aku sadis ialah aku masih trauma dengan apa yang pernah terjadi padaku , mungkinkah aku ini memang bahan mainan ? Sesuai sangat ke untuk main dengan aku ? Mungkin kerana kenaifa aku yang ketara sebenarnya ,
Sekarang aku dah taw kenapa , sebab aku banyak kekurangan yang sukar untuk ditambah , Aku kurang cantik , kurang pandai serba kurangg.
Hurm , biarlah , aku redha jea .
Tapi sebelum aku betul betul redha , Aku nak teruskan menangis .