why ?

Now he is like Edward Cullen to me, and Im just like Bella Swan. Not physically but mentally and everything that is unseen. I heard his voice and think of him when Im in not so in danger, in whatever condition that I might be unhappy or scared, I will definitely think of him.
I didnt really want to think of him, but it just happen. And I wonder why.
The pain I had in my chest, is exactly like how Bella had when Edward left her, though he didnt left me yet, I can feel the pain already, as if it has been there for ages.
Goshh ! This is tooo dramatic.
But it does happen.
And when I got up this morning, my mind was full of his images.
The geekiest part is that I imagined that my room was Bella`s room, I find it fascinating.
It means my imagination is pretty wild, and this also means, Im closer to him, Its just that we`re separated by one huge wall.
He was in my dream all nite, i wonder if he was dreaming of me too. It would be grool if he did, because I know deep inside he dont remember me anymore.
I know, you dont have to give me any rope or hope.
I dont deserve him, Im no good for him. Im not being negative or whatever named you gave to it. Its just I like it best to be on the real ground, I dont want to stand or lay on the cloud and fall right after that.
He is excited, for sure. I am devastated, yes for sure.
I dont really remember what was I dreaming but Im pretty sure that it includes him.
But that dream dont really means anything to me, because, I know the fact more than the dream.